Scorpiones Nastus FreakMeOutis

10Nov07

“HI! Don’t mind me and my relatives. We find your home lovely and would like to rest here at your baseboards.”

The infestation continues, people. Months have gone by, and we haven’t seen one of these vile creatures. Until this past week, when I jinxed this house by announcing, “Hey Andrew! We haven’t seen a scorpion in here in MONTHS!”  *cue scorpion entrance*

When I see one of these, I usually yelp in a high-pitched voice for Andrew to take it to its swimming lesson. If Andrew isn’t here, I usually call my dad crying to come over and take care of it. Yesterday? I was alone in the house with the chicks. Andrew was at work, and my Dad out-of-state for business.

After pacing and hand-wringing (and sweating), I took what amounted to an entire roll of toilet paper and wrapped my forearm. Then I grabbed a politically incorrect Lysol wipe (okay, two wipes) held in my mummified hand. I crept up to the scorpion, shallowly panting like a dog, and jabbed my hand forward — just to pull it back quickly. EEEEEEEEEEEEE! I tried again. EEEEEEEEEEE! Pant pant pant.

Finally, I nabbed and smooshed the critter. As the hairs on my back stood straight up, and my skin nearly crawled off my body, I ran the critter into the toilet. EEEEEEEEEEEEE! I tilted my toilet papered hand over to take a peek, and the tail was madly tasering the paper. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Flush.

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13 Responses to “Scorpiones Nastus FreakMeOutis”

  1. EW!! We used to get those when I lived in Utah, but I haven’t seen any here. Our big problem is black widow spiders in the backyard. They always seem to build giant webs overnight right by the door, or on the grill cover or something. It’s so nasty!

  2. Ugh. BC has some crazy bugs and such, but not Scorpions (I don’t think.

    It looks huge! How big is it?

  3. AAAAAAAAAAACCCKKKKKKKK!

  4. WHOA! We’ve been here four years with no scorpions (DON’T CUE SCORPION ENTRANCE). But we have PLENTY of Black Widows.

    You have such courage! Well done!

    My hubby was gone for training for 10 weeks, and I had to be the “head bug killer” too. SCARY stuff. But, when they’re around the girls, I suddenly have MUCH more courage. Mother Bear instinct, I guess.

  5. ICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

    I get freaked out by bugs but that would cause a coronary. And the tasering….. AHHHHHHHHHH!

    GROSS doesn’t even begin to describe it although your title pretty much does.

    🙂

  6. EEEEEEEEEEE!

    I have the shivers over here!

  7. I asked God to “Send me an angel” to you, because that beast could “Rock you like a hurricane” and I’d probably “Blackout” if I saw that in my house. “There’s no one like you” and I think I’d rather live at “The Zoo.” Unfortunately, it seems that they “Can’t live without you!” I just hope that a “Wind of Change” comes before you get “Hit between the eyes!” Those “Bad boys running wild” need to hit “The Crossfire” or some “Dynamite” as you go “Coast to Coast” on a “Holiday” “Lovedrive.”

  8. Ok, it’s plastic right? RIGHT????? BLECK!

  9. That post alone makes me happy I live where it gets cold in the winter. No scorpion would survive in our climate, thank goodness. Congrats to you for living with the scarey bugs, etc.

  10. i’ve had one crawl on my leg once.

    that’s what happens when you visit the sticks.

  11. I am a lurker from Retrogal’s site, and I have to say… holy freaking crapolla… I have NEVER seen a scorpion here like that!!!

    You look so familiar to me… dod you by any chance work in advertising in LV at all before the kiddos?

  12. Since I cannot stand the smell of pesticide spray, or even imagine what the chemicals might do to myself and most importantly, my children- I use what I have found works best- dousing the bugger with hairspray, or the first cleansing spray you can grab! I figure it’ll either envelope the creature in a sticky, strong-hold substance- or, it’ll give them that ‘disinfecting, lemon shine’ that they are sure to drown in!

  13. 13 jonb

    good God! I suppose i’ll take our crappy northwest weather over the possibility of that creature lurking in my home. >SHUTTER<


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