A riddle, wrapped in an enigma


Now that I have graduated, I am feeling the itch to go back to work. This is tough on me, because I really am proud that I can stay home with my children. I feel bad that I sometimes daydream of going to work, while I have the cherished opportunity to be with my girls everyday, to raise them myself.

I don’t like the title “Stay at Home Mom,” even though being a mom who stays at home is what I do — 24 hours a day. Everyday. When asked if I work, I say that I’m a full time mom, BUT (I quickly add) I just got my master’s degree and I will be teaching in the future. I really don’t know why I have to qualify my statement as such.

My reality is staying home with my kids, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Maybe it’s because I want people to know that I have various goals for myself, beyond homemaking. That when my daughters are a little older and in school, I’ll be employed with interests including, and beyond, what my kids are doing.

I suppose I don’t want to be defined by motherhood. I don’t want to be defined by anything, really. I have never belonged to a clique. I loathed my time living in a sorority. I have never worn titles well. I like my identity to be rooted in many things, not just one or the other. I strive for an interesting balance in life, not a single identity.

And I suppose that’s why I am so resistant to call myself a SAHM. I want to be one thing, AND the other…

12 Responses to “A riddle, wrapped in an enigma”

  1. 1 jane

    ouch girl that is such a hot topic- personally, I can be a SAHM for like a week, then i’m ready to move on back to work- i cant’ i suck and i know it. But my relationships outside of home I think is what keeps me sane and able to spend quality time with my kid…who knows- it’s all a matter of preference i just wished the two camps stopped throwing hand grenades at one another

  2. I never thought I would want to be a SAHM. I figured I would jump right back into working the second I could drop the kid off at daycare. And then I got married and the thought of having kids becomes more reality, I figured that having a telecommuting job would work perfectly because I could hire a nanny to come into my home part-time while I work and then I’d work around the kid’s schedule.

    And then I got burnt out… and started thinking that maybe I’d like to just have a kid and spend my days with that kid. But then that thought scares me too.

    Why do we women have all of these tough choices? I agree though, it sucks to have to label ourselves.

    And congrats on the master’s degree. That’s a great accomplishment!

  3. I still have a hard time believing you were in a sorority! :O

    I like being a SAHM, but I too look forward to the day when I can coexist as a successful, working photographer and a happily, fulfilled mother.

    PS. Funny that both of our posts today are about balance!

  4. I hear your struggle. That’s why I like that I can work AND be a “SAHM” 🙂

  5. i can TRULY understand your position!

    i feel like i constantly try to explain my degrees and work experience, due to my uncomfortable state as a SAHM.

    while i mostly LOVE staying home, at times, i feel like a piece of me is dying slowly.

    WOW, that was kinda harsh!

    clarification: it seems to me, your peers (a few select women) don’t give you credit for staying home because you are over-educated and once a professional while on the flip side, you feel guilty for dreaming of aspirations of more than wiping butts and screaming, “because I said so!”

    the balance doesn’t seem to be there in the form of support between women for women.

    this is probably not your situation. i guess i’m interjecting nonsensical crap because, this dynamic is what i have been going through for the past 3 years.

    to be or not to be, that is the question….

  6. Such a touchy subject. I am a SAHM, and I love it. Some days I would like to get up and go to work, but knowing that the work I am doing here is the most important of my life keeps me going.

    The question I hate the most is, “where do you work?”. When I reply at home, I always feel like I have to add that I am a SAHM instead of just leaving it like that. Someday I will learn.

  7. 7 Eve

    I have been both and currently all of my kids are in school and I am working. Personally I hated the label stay at home mom even more I dislike the “SAHM” (sorry to all of those who like that). Just as I hate the term working Mom. What the hell…don’t all Mom’s work?

    Personally I am a domestic goddess! lol No matter what you do we all are WOMEN & MOTHERS period!

  8. I love hearing fellow moms’ insights into this topic. I feel the same as you, but a master’s for me is a looon way off! I hope to finis my degree (2 more years) once our kids are school-aged. I know these years of our babies being so young will fly by and I don’t think we’ll regret being so present for them, but I agree that it’s good not to find one’s identity in only one thing. Preach it! 🙂

  9. A master’s is exceptionally far off since I can’t freakin’ spell! I meant to say “looong” in the comment above. Geez. 🙂

  10. I know exactly what you mean. I am a SAHM (I don’t mind the term) but I always feel that I need to be working on something that generates money, even from home. As if that somehow makes me more valuable……

  11. Hubs said my job title was housewife the other day and I almost lost it. He actually was perplexed by my reaction?!? He didn’t think it was offensive. HELLO??

    Nice post sistah. See you in a week!!!

  12. 12 jane

    hey i need your help with something…how much of this web design did you learn? i bought photoshop and am LOST

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