Lysol, take me away


I have four blog entries in draft form, awaiting finishing touches and eventual posting. Unfortunately for me, I am waist deep in potty training Makenna, and it’s not pretty. In fact, it is about as far from pretty as you can get.

***Warning! The following post includes numerous references to POOP and POTTY!***

Makenna pees just fine on the potty, that’s not the problem. She does that quite well. Sometimes, she even does her business without telling me AND dresses herself again AND washes her hands afterward. It’s the pooping part of the process that is turning me into Mommie Dearest. Instead of NO WIRE HANGERS, EVER!, poor Makenna gets DO NOT POOP IN YOUR PANTS! DO NOT POOP ON THE FLOOR! YOU POOP ON THE PAH-HA-HA-HA-TAAAAAY! I weep bitterly as Paige tries to crawl through the crud.

As I clean her up, Makenna likes to say “Jeezus crap!” She learned that from yours truly, who has uttered the word CRAP and has also taken the Lord’s name in vein during a few particularly messy poop smears. I’ll be attending confession soon.

I try so hard to stay calm, I know that being angry makes the whole ordeal worse. However, what upsets me the most is that she knows what she’s doing, and she thinks it’s all quite funny. She’ll go and hide to poo away, then appear out of nowhere saying, “Sorry Mommy…” and then runs off giggling. I imagine that this whole ordeal is some strange way of getting my attention. Good or bad attention, it means that I’m totally focused on her and not on her sister — who, by the way, is becoming quite a force around this house. And that other theory, too, that children are scared of pooping (for whatever reason). But what’s scarier? The toilet, or me channeling Joan Crawford?

Yesterday, we decided to use a bit of “negative” reinforcement. Makenna loves to play in the pool. So we told her that she could go to the pool once she poops on the potty. Lo and behold, the child eeked out the smallest turd ever seen; this was the first time she pooped on the potty. I did a joyous Poo-Poo dance and Andrew sang a gleeful Poo-Poo song. There was much rejoicing. And Makenna got to play in the pool.

We then decided that she would be rewarded with a coveted lollypop each time she poops on the potty, for the foreseeable future. M: I want a lollypop! LV: You get a lollypop when you POOP ON THE POTTY again!

But today? It has been one smear-fest after another.

I’m mixing a strong gin and tonic as I type.

So I apologize for the lack of posting. I have every intention of keeping this site updated daily. And if anyone out there has advice (anything, PLEASE!) I’m open.


8 Responses to “Lysol, take me away”

  1. Good Lord Sistah, I have nothing.

    I hope this lovely phase ends soooo soon. Hugs.

    But know, I am thinking of you and know when you do not answer the phone and unable to return my calls, you are truly deep in shit.


  2. asking her if she needs to crap every hour? that question really bugged celia after a while.

    i did however find underwear she wanted the most a.k.a. princess underwear and anytime she pooped in them i made a production in throwing them away. after a few pairs, she figured it out. i also threw in a costly present she picked out herself. it sat on the dining room table until she successfully stopped the poop train.

    this reminds me, i should probably start working on potty training the 2 1/2 year old. lord, i don’t want to!

  3. I never knew how lucky I was to have a constipated toddler! I will send you AK wishes for potty pooping to happen soon.

    PS. Don’t start telling me you “love Lysol and that it reminds you of your childhood.” Damn, hobag. Oh no! That will be Makenna later in life! 🙂 hehe

  4. I had to bribe Graham with a Diego rescue centre (small one) to get him to poop. Once he did it, though, he was trained. He was also a few months past his third birthday…so he was getting old. Now I need to start on Nathan…and may need tips from YOU 🙂

  5. Hi… I just found your blog accidently. I love it. I hope you don’t mind if I come back soon… Cheers ^o^

  6. 6 Lefty

    Unfortunately, I don’t think there are enough Hail Marys to make up for teaching your toddler to say “Jeezus crap.”

    I’ll see you in hell!

  7. We used the rewards to get him to pee on the potty, the pooping came surprisingly easy, I just used my scarey Mama voice and showed him where the poop went. It was enough for him to get the message.

    I wish you poop in the potty very soon, try out your scariest possible voice (the one you almost never use), see if it works.

  8. 8 sizzle

    my sister used to spend HOURS sitting on the pot when she was younger. she had like the opposite problem. we would read to her and try every trick to get her to go but she had like some sort of crippling bowel problem (since remedied in her adulthood, luckily, ha!).

    this sounds like quite the problem, one i do not envy! aack!

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